Beautiful Life

“I thought I was invincible. I never thought that I would fall.”

How many of you feel that way? No one goes through life thinking, “I’m going to get a divorce someday.” or “I’m going to lose my job of 20 years without notice.” But these things happen to all of us. It’s funny how you spend most of your life planning and dreaming up your future, all just to have it not turn out the way you thought it would.

I recently celebrated my 5 year anniversary of graduating from college. To say my life turned out differently than I thought it would when I graduated from high school would be a HUGE understatement! I had it all planned out. I only applied to one college because I knew I was going to graduate from there, land my dream job, and live happily ever after. But it didn’t turn out that way at all. I DID get into my dream school and started right away. Everything went according to my plan for three wonderful years. I even got so close to landing my dream job that I could taste it! Then something happened.  A big something. A painful, stressful, unfair, inexplicable turn of events. I ended up at a different school just one year shy of graduating. Not only that, but I had to START OVER at this new school. THREE years into my dream life, I found myself starting over in a new city, new school, surrounded by new people. It was one of the most disheartening things I have ever experienced.

And it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Seeing as how I spent my last semester at the first school miserable, going through a painful break-up…I decided to embrace this new life and these new surroundings. I decided to embrace this new chance at an extended education, as it would surely only make me better at my forthcoming career. Or so I thought…

Imagine you’re up to bat…staring down the pitcher, just waiting to smack that ball out into left field. You line up for the ball. The pitcher winds up and releases the craziest curveball you’ve seen. Anyone would be crazy to try and swing at this ball, but you’ve got this fire inside. You’re ready to shock the world by hitting that thing straight out of the park. The ball reaches you and you close your eyes, say your prayers, and swing with all your might and…BAM! The ball flies straight past you and into the catcher’s mitt.

That was my experience in my last few years of college. I knew what I wanted and I wasn’t about to let any kind of setback get in my way. But right at the very end, after all the setbacks and changes, when I could’ve reached out and finally grabbed my dreams once again, suddenly they became unrecognizable. Suddenly everything I’d ever wanted was not what I wanted at all. As difficult as my student teaching semester was, the months following my graduation were some of the hardest times I have gone through. I still remember the first night I sat down with mom and nervously blurted out the words, “What if I don’t want to teach anymore?” I couldn’t believe that after a lifetime of dreaming it, and 8 years of HARD work towards achieving it, I was turning my back on it. Or was I?

A year after my graduation I was still jobless, and still trying to convince myself that teaching was where I belonged. Then something incredible happened. In one beautiful, humbling, powerful moment, I discovered that there is something out there that is SO much bigger than I am and that He had been fighting in me to make me humble myself and surrender my life to Him. I discovered that the God I had known all my life was not the God I had known all my life. He was so much more! He wasn’t just watching over me as I lived my life. He was carrying me and guiding me through the life that He laid out for me.

Suddenly my focus shifted. Things became very clear. I realized that while my life had not at all turned out the way I wanted it to, it was turning out EXACTLY the way that God planned it to. In that moment I realized that all the pain, all the heartache, all the questions…none of it was because I didn’t deserve my dreams. None of it was because I hadn’t worked hard enough to reach them. It was all because my plan for my life was not His plan for my life.

While it was one defining moment that made me realize all this, it took several months for me to work through this new awakening within me. But within the next year, I found a new church, a new job, and a new home. It has been a whirlwind…but it has been an amazing ride! Has it been free of pain, heartbreak, loss, struggle, and fears? Absolutely not! I have “fallen” many times in the past few years. The difference now is that I know when I fall, I have the strength within me to get back up again and keep going. It’s a strength like no other. A strength that can only come from the Father.

“The first time was wonderful, and the second and third were the worst. And the fourth time I thought I’d never make it out alive. But I know there’s still hope. I’ve got one more chance left down in my soul. And the fifth time I’m gonna find a beautiful life.”

We all want material things in this life: the cool car, the great job, the big family. But what it all comes down to is that we all just want one thing. We all want a beautiful life. We want a life full of happiness. But how can we have that when there is so much pain and heartache in the world? Happiness is not just an emotion. It’s a choice. Circumstances do not determine happiness. Your mind and your heart do. No matter what happens in your life…whether it be big or small…choose happiness. Be thankful for everything that life throws your way. Some day you’re going to look back on all the struggles and heartache you’ve gone through to get to where you are. And you’re going to realize you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“It always takes so much longer and it always feels so much harder than I thought that it would be. It’s eternity. When I start looking inside and then I search I just might find that I really have it all. And that the first time was wonderful, and the second and third didn’t hurt. And the fourth time I know that I can make it out alive. I’ll make it out alive. What a beautiful life.”
All lyrics in this post © Chris Mann

More Beautiful You

Do you remember those group projects in grade school? I always loved group projects! They gave me someone to fall back on if there was a part of the project I didn’t know as well as I should. I was able to do my best, and then if I messed something up, I had my peers and my friends there to tell me politely and help me correct it instead of having the teacher laugh at me and fail me.

However, I also hated group projects because it always meant there would be that one person who just sat back and did nothing. They just held onto the rope being pulled by the rest of the group.

I was listening to More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz tonight and the chorus lyrics hit me:

“There will never be a more beautiful you.
Don’t buy the lies, disguises, and hoops they make you jump through.
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do,
So there could never be a more beautiful you.”

So go back to those class groups. The teachers always delegated tasks for each person in the group to better assess individual accountability in the project. Although, I have to say, it never worked because if someone didn’t do their job the rest of us would work twice as hard to make sure their part wasn’t missing. But in life, no one can do that. God made each of us with our own specific purpose. Granted, we are all working towards the same main goal, but we each have our own specific tasks to complete to help reach that goal. If we all had the same purpose, we would all like the same things. But we don’t. If we were all made for the same purpose, we would all be good at the same things. But we’re not.

I am the copy editor for mom’s magazine, Moxie. Every three months, she hands over a printed version of the magazine for me to read through and correct. And every three months I sit there reading through this magazine that literally wasn’t even a thought when she woke up one day, and by the time she had gone to bed that night, she had it all planned out. Her magazine has been published for the past four years now. While she has done a TON of work making sure each issue comes out just the way she envisions it, she has not done it alone. You could say it’s been a family affair. My father does all the design work, my sister-in-law helps with advertising, my brother keeps up the website, and of course, I do the proofing. My point is, we each have our own small part in this big project mom has taken on. If one of us, along with the many writers and photographers, does not do our part, she will not have a complete issue. There will be a very important element missing. And the thing is, we all have parts specific to what we do best. My brother works on websites for a living, so it makes sense that he does her website. My dad is a graphic designer, so it makes sense that he works on the layout, ads and other illustrations needed. That’s not to say that one of us can’t do another’s part. But we wouldn’t be the best person for that specific part.

God is our teacher and he has assigned us a group project. He has also given each of us a specific task to complete to fulfill His purpose. The problem is, we still feel we can slack off and let others pick it up for us. Or we’re so busy trying to fulfill someone else’s part of the project that we forget to do our own part. There are so many people on this earth, it’s easy to think, “Oh someone else will surely be better at this than me. Someone out there can do a much better job at this than me.” But God doesn’t think that, or He wouldn’t have assigned you the role he has.

If you want to succeed in life…if you want to make a 100 on your part of the project, then listen to God’s directions. Follow the instructions He has given you for YOUR part of His project. Put all your heart and hard work into completing the project. Don’t look to others to help you complete your part. And don’t waste your time trying to help others complete theirs. We are all accountable for this life. We all have the chance to earn a 100…and we all have a chance to fail. You just have to remember, on this earth there may be billions of people…but there is only one you. And if you’re the only ‘you’, then how could anyone else be better than you, or smarter than you, or prettier than you? Your job in this life is to find what you’re good at, and forget the rest. Use what you know, use what you have. Don’t wish for anything you don’t have. Be thankful for everything you do have. That’s what makes you beautiful. That’s what makes you…you.

“He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl
That there could never be a more beautiful You”
Lyrics © Jonny Diaz

Lent

It’s that time again. 2012 is in full swing but my new year is just about to begin! Lent is one of my favorite times of the year. It’s a time to be quiet and still and reflect on where you are and where you want to go. It’s also a time to test your willpower and deprive yourself of the things you are addicted to but have been holding you back from where you want to be.

I participated in a very cool mission during Lent season starting two years ago. It’s Jars of Clay’s Blood:Water Mission. You drink nothing but water for the 40 days of Lent (they do not observe on Sundays, but I do). If you know me, you know I LOVE sweet tea! Hello, I AM Texan :p Especially when the spring weather kicks in…there’s nothing more refreshing than sitting outside in the sun with a glass of sweet tea, listening to good music (I prefer live, but the stereo works just as well).

Speaking of depriving yourself, you need to deprive yourself of things you love…not things you do or think about once a week, if that. For me the biggest sacrifice will, no doubt, be giving up Facebook. I love Facebook for many reasons:

1. I love to share all the crazy, adventurous, hilarious, frightening, enlightening moments in my life. And family members or friends are able to share in the moments they were unable to be a part of through the gajillion photos I post.

2. I love to keep up with the people around me who I don’t get to see or talk to on a regular basis.

3. All my favorite bands (and yours too!) use Facebook to communicate these days. There are some bands whose shows I wouldn’t know about had it not been for Facebook.

4. It keeps me sane during the long, quiet nights at work, on the long bus rides to work, etc.

That said, I struggled with the decision to give it up, simply for the fact that I have several huge events coming up and will no doubt have tons of photos to share (again for those who can’t join us on those special days). So I found a compromise. I will give up Facebook for the 40 observed days of Lent. I will check in on Sundays only to post photos. I will not read my notifications on those days. If you ask me, that will be even more of a challenge than staying away altogether!

Last year I found a Fast, Pray, Give calendar online that was really cool. Each day they tell you something to fast (it may be a meal, or tv, or a bad attitude, or harsh language….just about anything), as well as something to focus your prayers on that day, and something to give (money, time, prayers…again could be anything). The cool thing about it is that you can’t see what the next day is so it’s not something you can plan…it’s just something you have to be ready for and willing to make it work.

That’s what Lent season is all about. It’s about renewing your relationship with God and your focus on that relationship. It’s about putting Him first and making everything else in your life fit after that. And not just for the Lent season, but for every day after.

The final activity I will partake in is something I call Silent Saturday. It’s something that God called me to do last year on the day before Easter. I can imagine that the day after Jesus died, people were so in shock and so saddened that no one could speak. I remember several years back I watched Passion of the Christ. People had been talking about how powerful and emotional it was so I opted to wait until it was on DVD and watch it in the privacy of my apartment bedroom. To say I was in shock would be an understatement. When it ended, I could not speak or move! I felt so inadequate, so little, in that moment! It really brought to light just how tiny I am in comparison to the world, yet God chose me. It was one of the most surreal feelings in the world! So I decided to have a Silent Saturday the day before Easter where I have no music, no tv, nothing. It was tough, but very refreshing at the same time. Sometimes we get so caught up in life we forget to sit and be still and silent, even if only for a moment.

The word ‘Lent’ makes me think of the word ‘lend’. During Lent season you lend yourself…you give yourself to God. This Lent season I challenge you all to do just that. I can’t wait! Happy Lenting!

MY Grammy Picks!

One of my biggest inspirations in life is music. I attribute this to being a musician’s daughter. I grew up around music of all kinds. A few nights ago I spent a couple hours on Rhapsody playing song after song by artist after artist. These included but were not limited to:

Kelly Clarkson
Third Day
Fireflight
Bebo Norman
The Afters
The Fray
Joe Bonamassa
Fleetwood Mac
Dixie Chicks
Freedy Johnston Band
Billy Joel
Rodney Crowell
Hal Ketchum
Walt Wilkins

Yep….in two hours I managed to cover just about every genre known to man - just as the Grammy Awards do. The past several years I have held a tradition of posting my picks for nominees in the upcoming awards ceremony. The Grammys totally snuck up on me this year! I would say I’m excited to watch tonight, but then I looked at the nominee list. I have to say I am quite disappointed. Granted, I don’t listen to the radio much, if at all, so I don’t really know what’s “in” right now. But I don’t recognize more than half the stuff on the list anyways! Makes me wish I could hold my own Grammy Awards Ceremony. It would look a little something like this…(note that these are not necessarily albums/singles from this year. They are the albums/singles I have been listening to this year.)

Record of the Year
Seventh Day Slumber, Anthem of Angels

Album of the Year
What the heck is the difference between Record and Album anyways…except a generation maybe? Oh well…it gives me an excuse to pick another album so let’s go with…
7eventh Time Down, Alive In You

Song of the Year
7eventh Time Down, Get Me To You

Best New Artist
Michael Henry and Justin Robinett

Best Pop Solo Performance
Christina Perri

Best Alternative Solo Performance
Dave Barnes

Best Alternative Group/Duo Performance
The Fray

Best Alternative Album
The Fray, The Fray

Best Country Solo Performance
Miranda Lambert

Best Country Group/Duo Performance
Rascal Flatts

Best Country Album
Foster & Lloyd, It’s Already Tomorrow

Best Gospel/Contemporary Christian Solo Performance
Francesca Battistelli

Best Gospel/Contemporary Christian Group/Duo Performance
Casting Crowns

Best Christian Folk Solo Performance
Bebo Norman

Best Christian Rock Group/Duo Performance
Kutless

Best Christian Rock Album
7eventh Time Down, Alive In You

Best Americana Solo Performance
Radney Foster

Best Americana Group/Duo Performance
Walt Wilkins & The Mystiqueros

Best Americana Album
Radney Foster, Revival

Best Blues Album
Jonny Lang, Turn Around

Best Folk Album
Patty Griffin, 1000 Kisses

Congratulations to the following nominees who I will be rooting for in tonight’s awards ceremony:

The Band Perry – Best New Artist
Dave Barnes – Best Country Song
Lady Antebellum – Best Country Album
Chris Tomlin – Best Gospel/Contemporary Christian Music, Best Contemporary Christian Music Song, Best Contemporary Christian Music Album
Sarah  Shauna Dodds – Best Recording Package

Convicted

I don’t usually post stuff like this. In fact, I don’t usually give this stuff the time of day. I see it. I scoff at it. I move on.

Last night I attended my 5th Seventh Day Slumber show and brought a friend along with me who had never even heard their music, much less seen them. He was clearly moved by the events that had unfolded that evening, because he quickly befriended every member of the band on FB, liked their band page, and wrote a nice appreciative post about what a great time he had. He even hopped on YouTube to see a more in-depth look at Joseph’s testimony.

Shortly after, I got a message from him containing this video he had come across while viewing the testimony. He was clearly upset about it, so I watched to see what it was. To say I was floored is a HUGE understatement!

Joseph was being attacked by this guy saying that his music was worldly and leading people to Hell. I started to form a list of choice words in my mind for this guy, then I noticed something. He was not just talking to Joseph. He was talking to a woman next to him, mocking her for saying that their music had led her to Christ that night. I was absolutely disgusted at this guy for what he was doing to this woman because I’ve been in her shoes. I rededicated my life to Christ at a Seventh Day Slumber show almost four years ago. I left the show that night feeling a change deep within me! However, if I had walked outside to meet the band afterwards and been attacked by this guy, I can’t say I would have been able to handle it with as much grace as she did!

I could not get this video, or that woman’s voice, out of my head all night! All these thoughts just kept swirling around in my mind. If this had been me on June 7th, 2008…if I had been confronted by that guy, would I have had the guts to stand up to him? No. I can’t even say now that I would.

And that thought scared me to my very core. After four years, five shows and countless other encounters with Christ in between, shouldn’t I be close enough to Him to know without a shadow of a doubt that I would be able to stand up to this guy, and do it with grace and class?

Instead, I sat back and watched this video thinking about how disgusted I was with this guy and how much I just wanted him to shut up because he had no idea what he was talking about.

This video completely humbled me as I watched. I’m not saying I think I’m a bad person. I’m not saying I think I’m not as much of a Christian as I should be. There are no “degrees” of Christianity. You either are or you aren’t. What’s different is the relationship you have with Christ. And I know that I need to spend more time with Him and become stronger. Strong enough to play the part of the woman in this video…although I pray that I would never have to!

As the video ended, I noticed Joseph’s shirt with the word, “CONVICTED” written straight across the front. That’s a strong word. But that’s what I strive for! I pray that no one ever has to face a situation like that. But I also would like to know that if I ever had to myself, that I would be convicted…able to stand firm in my belief and not only face someone like this, but boldly share my beliefs with him knowing that no matter how much he may ridicule me, God will be looking down on me and smiling. I don’t need to seek approval from a guy like this. I don’t even need to seek approval from my Seventh Day Slumber family or my own family for that matter. I should only seek approval from God and no one else. That’s what I will continue to strive for.

I don’t even know who this woman is, but I thank her for her strength, for her faith, and for her conviction.

The Biggest Loser is Back! Why I Will NOT Be Watching On Tuesdays!

I’ve watched a few seasons of The Biggest Loser. Last year was by FAR the most inspirational! It had a lot to do with the contestants, and a LOT to do with the trainers (I’ve always loved Bob and I immediately fell in love with Dolvett!), but mostly, I think it had to do with me.

I look at recent photos of myself and I know that I have gained way too much weight. As much as I have told myself the past couple years that I really need to try harder to lose it, I just didn’t have enough motivation to do it. It’s especially hard in my situation when you have to work twice as hard while only able to do half as much as everyone else. I easily let excuses creep in left and right. I would hit a low point every now and then, tell myself this was it. THIS time I was really gonna do it. I would do great for about a week. Then I’d go right back to my old ways. After several attempts, I ended up doing the worst possible thing I could do for myself. I settled.

I convinced myself to view myself as beautiful no matter what. Don’t get me wrong, we ALL need to do that. But I did it in the wrong way. I used that as yet another excuse to not worry about how I looked. But as I looked back on the past year, I realized something. I LOVE taking photos! Every family gathering, date out with friends, special events…I’ve got my camera out flashing left and right. But there’s something missing from a lot of those photos. Me. I made memories of all these great times in my life, but I left myself out of them. I could lie and say it was just because I was behind the camera, but the cold hard truth is that I didn’t want to be in front of it.

I watched Season 12 of The Biggest Loser from start to finish. I work Tuesday nights, so I had to resort to waiting until it was posted on Primetime On Demand. But you better believe, the minute that it was, I was in front of that tv watching! I spent almost every minute of that season in tears. The things that the contestants went through, the things they overcame, the victories they experienced, Bob and Dolvett’s speeches, it was all so moving! I found myself changing on the inside bigtime! But I did nothing to change it on the outside. Even when I posted some of Dolvett’s quotes on my fridge…it did nothing for me. When I found out my brother was getting married, I set a completely attainable goal, with plenty of time to achieve it. And I’ve completely failed with that too. What will it take to finally break me and get me to make that change? What will it take to keep me going longer than a week on my goals?

Then today, I had a thought. I’ve been so focused on all the excuses NOT to do anything about it. But instead, I started to focus on all the reasons TO do it! It looked a little something like this….

Excuses: I’m too tired. I’m too busy. I don’t feel well. It’s too cold out. I’m too sore. I’m a woman (you know…).

Reasons: I will look better. I will feel better. I will be healthier. I will be more mobile and independent. I will be happier.

I think I started to realize all this while watching the last season. It just hadn’t sunk in right away. It took a while. But as I reflect on the new year and the goals I want to accomplish, it finally sunk in. I don’t want to be tired, sluggish, immobile, and unhealthy. I want to be happy, healthy, and more mobile!

With that being said, and with the dreadful holiday/birthday season behind me (dreadful as in all the tempting foods….the holiday/birthday season was actually pretty amazing!), I made a decision for this season of The Biggest Loser. As excited as I was to watch every week last season, and as eager as I have been for this season to start, I know this will work beautifully. During this season, I will not watch each episode until the following Saturday. But there’s more to it than that. By Saturday, if I have not fulfilled my exercise/diet duties for the week, I will not watch.

Also, I will be starting a blog where I will have to post every Saturday recapping the week before I can sit and enjoy the week’s episode. One thing I haven’t had is any accountability. That is definitely something you need when trying to achieve any goal! You guys will be my accountability.

I’m so ready to do this! Today marks exactly TWO months until my brother says “I do”. That is my first goal. On the day of his wedding, I will be in front of that camera and looking and feeling better than I have in a long time.

But I’m not stopping there! I’m ready to change myself this year so that I can spend the rest of my life happy, healthy, and in the best shape I’ve ever been!

In the great words of Dolvett:

Make results, not excuses!

Hard work! Dedication!

Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoes

If you’ve known me the past few years, you know that I’ve recently begun two new traditions:

1. I write an “End of the Year” blog every year
2. Within said blog, I declare a motto for the upcoming year

Thanks to my little brother, I found my motto for 2012: Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoes

I love Joyce Meyer! I buy one of her devotionals every year. She’s so inspirational, and she knows how to keep it real at the same time. She doesn’t just preach a bunch of cliches. She speaks the truth, and injects plenty of humor into it. You have to be able to have a sense of humor in life!

My brother got me Joyce’s book, “Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoes” for Christmas. I haven’t had the chance to read more than just a few pages this week. But I have looked into the book in the past and basically, it’s Joyce’s way of telling us to lighten up. In the first few pages of the book, Joyce reveals the meaning behind the clever title. She tells us it’s ok to indulge every once in a while. Life shouldn’t be one big diet where you don’t allow yourself to have any fun because there’s always some responsibility staring you in the face. You need to have fun in life. You need to laugh. Again, with the sense of humor! We get so wound up in life, at work, at school, with chores at home, and with situations with people, we forget to have fun and take care of ourselves!

This past year was full of lessons: some harsh, some revealing, but all very much needed. It’s the tough times that teach you the most about life and about yourself. I learned a LOT this year! With losing a very dear friend who has the same disability as I do, becoming distant with friends I had been so close to, things taking a 180 at work, and taking on the responsibility of caring for two crazy animals, and trying to keep a somewhat clean home…I’m tired! I’m tempted to just sleep straight through 2012!

Don’t get me wrong, I had some AMAZING times in 2011! But for the past few months I’ve noticed, and apparently so has everyone else, that I’m just tired and burnt out. Suddenly, I roll up to people at work and instead of saying, “Hi, how are you?” they say, “What’s wrong?” or “Are you ok?” Of course after you hear that so many times in one day, you end up NOT being ok.

I realize that all I really need to focus on this next year is lightening up. I need to get my stress under control, and get my life organized, so much so, that it will be nearly impossible for things to get out of hand.

I need to have my home organized. I need to stay organized at work. I need to keep my events and activities organized. I need schedules. I need lists. I love lists!

My aunt took me shopping last night to buy stuff to help me get organized. You should have seen the piles of paper I had with me. I had lists of each room broken down and what I needed in it and I had lists of what I needed (and what I can currently afford) to get started on the organization, as well as the very aisle they could be found in at the store (I love the new Target app!). Shoot, I even had diagrams of each room in my apartment AND diagrams of different pieces of furniture and what would go on each. It was quite sad, but it was me. That’s the way I have always been. I always make lists. In college I sat every night before bed and made a detailed to-do list for the next day including classes I had to go to, assignments I had to do, phone calls I had to make, chores I had to do, places I had to go. Everything! Pretty much every minute of every day was laid out for me. It may sound a bit much but it worked. I got so much done, and I felt such a sense of accomplishment each day when I crossed things off the list. I was happy. I need to get back to that.

I may not do that exact thing since my days pretty much consist of going to work, coming home, eating, maybe watching an hour of tv, showering, and going to bed. But I really need to sit down and decide what needs to be accomplished on a weekly basis, or a monthly basis even. Then keep track of it. And I will be sure to include some “me” time in there. If scheduling “me” time in my day is what it takes to remind myself to lighten up, then that’s what I’m gonna do! And you can bet, on every page of that schedule you will see two things:

1. Eat the cookie.
2. Buy the shoes.

Balance…it’s the Secret of Life!

Our company was bought by a corporation several months ago and there have been numerous changes since…mostly with employees. Our kitchen alone seems to have new faces every day!

Over the past several days, I’ve talked more and more with one in particular. He’s always so cheerful and positive and greets me with a smile and a big “Hello, Kelly!”. When you deal with the daily stresses of our situation, cheerful people are very hard to come by. But somehow, he manages to hold on to it.

Today, I went to the kitchen to pick up my dinner. As I was waiting for them to plate it up, he came in and started stacking up plates on a tray to deliver. He said, “Hey Kelly! How are ya today?” I said, “I’m good, and you?” He said, “You know how I am? I am superb, terrific, fantastic, and totally awesome!” I said, jokingly, “Wow, what’s your secret?” He replied, “Balance…it’s the secret of life!”

As we’re having this conversation, he finishes stacking his plates on the tray, and the chef hands me mine. I turn to leave and see the guy trying to pick up the tray he has stacked 8 plates on (these are not just plates…these are plates with covers, so he’s got them stacked double high!). After just a few moments of struggling, he picks up the tray over his shoulder, gets it balanced, and heads out the door. I head out behind him and as he slowly makes his way out the door, I say to him, “I don’t know how you’re doing this right now!” He tells me, “Honestly, I have no clue either!” I laughed, then quickly replied with, “Balance, right?”

I replayed this whole scene in my mind the rest of the night at work and the more I thought about it, the more I realized how right he is! The past few days, I’ve been taking my lunch break outside at this totally awesome spot I found right next to our fountain. I love the sound of rushing water! It’s so peaceful and calming! In the midst of all the craziness my job brings, just 30 minutes in front of that thing can change the course of the rest of my entire day.

We really need to keep our lives balanced, or they’ll slip right out of our hands. But what kinds of things do we need to think about when we think about balance?

Family. Friends. Finance. Spiritual life. Health. Work. R&R. We have so much on our plates (or should I say, tray of plates) that it can really be hard to balance it all sometimes. We might have finances weighing heavily on us one minute, and work the next.

Raise your hand if you think it’s strange that I included R&R in that list above.

Nope. That wasn’t a mistake. It IS possible to have too much R&R! You can’t convince yourself that work is so hard on you and tiring that you need to spend every minute of your life at home just sitting mindlessly in front of the tv or lounging in bed longer than necessary. We all NEED some R&R every now and then. But if you let it get to the point of laziness, housework will start to pile up, things at work may start to pile up. Next thing you know, here comes the stress again, even after all this R&R time. You need to find that balance. Don’t think of R&R as “rest and relaxation”. Think of it as “refocus and re-energize”. However long you need to rest from something to get yourself refocused and re-energized for the next item on your list, that’s all you should take, whether it be 5 minutes of crying in the bathroom, a 30 minute lunch break in peace & quiet, or a day off of work to go shopping or lay in bed and watch mindless tv all day. Hey, we all need it every once in a while

I could take each one of these 7 things and talk about them for days and days…and honestly, I could probably even add more to the list. I just wanted to touch on something that I personally have been struggling with lately. I have found that I am very unbalanced. I put off house chores as long as possible. I come home and go straight to the tv, even if it’s just to channel-surf. I’ve convinced myself that I am entitled to rest because work is so stressful and tiring. But the thing is, I spend half the day at work just sitting behind a desk. So for me to come home and just sit some more is the worst thing I could do for myself.

After the Seventh Day Slumber concert a few weeks ago, I came home and made a list outlining what I wanted my days to look like from now on. I’ve slowly been making these changes and I’m starting to see the beginning of a brand new me. A ‘me’ that I WANT to be. A ‘me’ that I can be proud of. A ‘me’ that is balanced, happy, superb, terrific, fantastic, and totally awesome!

I’m almost there but I know I have to find balance first or I never will get there.

Balance…it really and truly is the secret of life!

A Season of Thanks (And Toasted Marshmallows)

~ Written by Daily Inspirations Contributing Writer Sarah Fine ~

I almost burnt the house down last Thanksgiving.

Okay, so that’s an overstatement, but I’m sure it could have been ugly had I been away from the stove for ten seconds longer than I was.

Picture this: November of 2010. An absolutely gorgeous Thanksgiving Day has risen upon cool and sunny Southern California. If it’s one thing my family does on Thanksgiving, it’s food, and LOTS of it. Most of us wake up before the sun and start cooking something. We always make the main staples of our Thanksgiving feast, such as turkey, stuffing, roasted veggies, but every year, one of us likes to mix things up a bit by trying something new. Normally, whenever we try something and like it, we’ll do it again the next year, and if we really like it, we’ll have it again on Christmas.

Last year, I had the bright idea to “wing” a sweet potato casserole. After all, I’d seen enough Food Network specials on how to cook one, how hard could it be?

He. Hehe. Hehehe…

Anyway, so there I was, in the kitchen, Thanksgiving Day, an hour before dinnertime, trying to be Ms. Martha Stewart and make a sweet potato casserole.

Now, I’m not out to toot my own horn, but I’d like to think I’m a fairly good cook. My mom works late nights a lot of the time, so I cook dinner for the family at least four nights a week. Not to mention lunches and breakfast (I was homeschooled –I learned how to make an omelet before I knew what Algebra was.)

As I shoved the casserole into the oven that day, I had no clue what would await me. 40 minutes into cooking, I opened up a bag of store bought marshmallows, threw some on top, set the broiler on high and walked away from the stove. Yes. I walked away.

Cooking Lesson #1: When making a sweet potato casserole with marshmallows on top, NEVER EVER walk away with the broiler on.

“Make sure you keep an eye on that, Sarah” my mother would warn me, “it won’t take long for them to get brown.”

“I know” I said sweetly, secretly thinking, “pssh, I know what I’m doing…”

Well, I walked into my room and only expected to be in there for a few moments before I went to pull the casserole out. I must have gotten sidetracked somehow *COUGHCOUGH*facebook*COUGHCOUGH* because as I walked into the kitchen a few minutes later, with smoke pouring from the stove and that delightful smell of gas and flames in the air, I was greeted to my mother screaming “SARAH!!!”

Oops.

I opened the oven and watched as a roaring fire ignited my delicious side dish into sweet potatoes from hell.

Frantic, everyone in the kitchen turned off the oven and watched as I took an oven mitt and slammed it atop the casserole trying to extinguish the flames. In a matter of seconds, I went from having something delicious and turned into it something completely inedible. My casserole was dead. Thankfully, because no one was hurt and nothing was damaged too badly (except my pride), my whole family found it appropriate to laugh at the whole mess all throughout dinner.

You remember how Charlie Brown felt when he found out all Snoopy had made for Thanksgiving dinner was popcorn and toast? Yeah, well that was me for about the first ten minutes at dinner. ‘This isn’t funny!’ I thought to myself, ‘I could have set the house on FIRE! I could have killed someone!’

It wasn’t long however, before the sourpuss in me got over it and enjoyed herself that night. Needless to say though, I don’t think I’ll EVER be walking away from the broiler EVER again.

It’s funny how God can take situations like this, whether they are far more drastic or even far less, and turn them into an opportunity to remind you of His faithfulness.

Truth is, had I been away from the stove for a minute longer, the fact of an actual fire happening was very real. Only, stuff like this happens to us every day, we’re just not always aware of it. Imagine how many people you avoided yesterday with ill intentions and nothing happened, imagine how many car accidents you’ve avoided today. I’m not saying this because I think we have a bunch of stuff to fear, (I’d rather die and know I lived than live and act like I’m dead), I’m saying this because sometimes it takes a backseat perspective to realize how much we have to be thankful for.

Thanksgiving is in a few weeks. Crazy, but true, and as much as I love all the parades, food, football, family and fun that goes along with it, I’m one of those people who can get so easily caught up with all the “stuff,” that I forget WHY the holiday exists in the first place.

Last year, a flaming casserole brought it to my attention.

I had A LOT to be thankful for as I went to bed that night. A full belly, a warm bed, and a roof over my head. In a matter of moments, all of that could have been gone. It shouldn’t have taken something so petty to remind me of that on Thanksgiving of all days, but it did.

Hebrews 13:15 says “Let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.”

“Continually” isn’t a one time thing. When you run water from a faucet, it runs continually. It doesn’t stop running till you shut it off. The word continually means “regularly without interruption”, which is exactly what I believe this scripture implies when it comes to giving thanks.

It shouldn’t have to take something like a near death experience for us to realize how good we have it. We may not drive fancy cars or wear designer clothing, but if we have the ability to get around and look nice, then we have something to thank God for. His providence in our lives requires a steadfast, continual attitude of thanks. This doesn’t always mean we’re going to feel like it. Sometimes I don’t “feel” like doing the laundry, but I do it anyway because it’s required. I live by what I “feel”, I have to live by what I know. The same applies to giving thanks.

God is continually faithful, when we see it and when we can’t, that alone is worth thanking Him for. Not just every 4th Thursday of the year, but EVERY day of our lives.

If you gave someone money to pay their bills and didn’t thank you for it until they needed more money, how would that make you feel? God doesn’t want a vending machine relationship, He wants to be acknowledged. We have SO much to be thankful for. The smallest blessing is His way of reminding us He will forever have our back, that’s His promise to us.

I want to encourage all of you as we enter into the Thanksgiving season, to not just get wrapped up in the “stuff” it has to offer. All those things are fun and we’re totally meant to enjoy them, but at the root of it, comes the reality that we have a God who deserves our thanks. Not only for everything He has done in our lives, but all He will continue to do.

Don’t let thankfulness become a “one-day-a-year” attitude that happens when you “feel” like it or when you’re forced to remember, but instead, let it be like a faucet out of your lives continually before God.

Love, Blessings, Pancakes, and Sprinkles,
–Sarah

Be Moxie!

By the time she was turning 50, my mother had done it all…she had worked as a waitress at Pizza Hut, she worked as an assistant to a dermatologist, she partnered with my father in his advertising agency, she was a director at a health club, she was a restaurant manager. Whatever she had to do to get 7 plates of food on the table every night, she did it.

But as she was preparing to hit this milestone, she realized she hadn’t yet discovered her true passion in life. Or maybe she had and she just didn’t realize it.

My father challenged her on her 50th birthday to figure out what she wanted to be when she grew up…by the end of the day. On the eve of her 50th birthday, we all sat around the livingroom as a family and listened as she shared her idea. She wanted to create a magazine. She wanted to use her passion for health & fitness and her love for writing. It was perfect! But what would her magazine be called, and what exactly would it contain? This is where she called on the family for help. We all sat around and shouted out names. As we jotted down words, we needed to find one word, or a two-word phrase that summed it all up.

Thus, Moxie was born! At the time, “moxie” wasn’t heard or used all that much. People used it every now and then, but it didn’t really have a clear definition. My mother took on the task of defining the word herself.

When you look up synonyms for “moxie” you’ll find the following words…

Bravery, courage, toughness, boldness, adventurous

As mom had narrowed down her focus to the health and wellness of women over 50, this was perfect! She wanted to inspire these women to stop seeing age as a limitation, but rather as a celebration. Life doesn’t stop when you’re 50. For some, that’s when your life is just beginning!

I work in a retirement community and I have learned so much about life. I used to feel sorry for the elderly because I viewed them as weak, dependent, and for the most part, immobile. I viewed growing old as the ending of life. Boy was I wrong!

Recently, one of our residents was signing out to go celebrate her son’s birthday. I had assumed from day one that she was one of our younger residents. Our starting age is 62 and to be quite honest, I didn’t even think she could possibly be THAT old! As she was signing out she told me she was celebrating her son turning 64. I’m pretty sure my eyeballs popped right out of my head & got huge at that moment, like they do in all the cartoons. Her son was older than I thought SHE was! Turns out, this woman who I didn’t even think could possibly be in her 60s…was 84 years old!

We have another resident who has been to the hospital twice in the past month. When she came back home the second time, she wheeled in, looked at my coworker and I and shouted, “Hot dang! I’m back!” She’s 94 years old!

I am truly inspired by these residents every day. But at the same time, I can’t help but feel like this isn’t it for me. This isn’t my “calling”. While I love my job, I don’t feel like it’s my “passion”. It’s been so hard for me to admit that I’m 30 years old and still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. I went to school for 8 years to become a teacher, only to discover that I didn’t have the passion for it.

But as I sat down with a soothing CD and a yummy cup of hot cocoa tonight, ready to tackle the job of proofreading the next fabulous issue of Moxie magazine, God spoke to me! I opened to my mother’s words…

“My daughter discovered her passion in the eighth grade…”

No, not me. Her other daughter.

My sister dances and spins a flag or a rifle with more passion than ANYONE I have ever seen! Every time I watch her I end up in tears. She has so much emotion, so much passion. It emanates from inside her and she draws you in until you can’t take your eyes off of her! It is so inspiring, yet, she doesn’t say a word or give you anything. She’s simply doing what she loves and loving what she does.

In this same letter from the editor, my mother proclaims, “It took me fifty years to discover my passion and now you’re holding it in your hand.”

For fifty years, my mother didn’t know what she wanted to be when she grew up, and in a year she not only discovered it…but used it!

The thing is, my mother did not come up with the idea for Moxie because she spent an entire day brainstorming. She came up with Moxie because that’s what she is!

Your passion isn’t just something you love to do. It’s who you are. My father is a graphic designer, my brothers are musicians, my littlest brother is a technological GENIUS, and me…?

Well, I’m about to be 31 and I have yet to figure that out. But I know that someday I will figure it out. And thanks to my father issuing my mother an ultimatum on that day, and thanks to my mother not only discovering, but USING her passion, here I am…four years, two months, and four days later…finally believing that!

Passion breeds inspiration. If you want to be an inspiration to others and make a difference to others, be passionate in everything you do. What you do may not visibly affect someone right away. But everything you do every day has the potential to change someone’s life…someday. Don’t waste your whole life trying to figure out your passion. Spend it trying to discover yourself. Your passion won’t be found in a list, or a quote, or a song, or in a self-help book. It’s in you. What makes you happy? What brings you joy? What makes you smile? When you can answer those questions, your passion will become crystal clear.

Be who God created you to be. Be brave. Be courageous. Be tough. Be bold. Be adventurous.

…Be MOXIE!